Life
15 years & 8 months ago
22nd Mar 2009 08:39 This is just some randome writing I did and I thought Iw would put it on here. Hope you like it!
Life is meaningful, even though others around you may say it???s not.
???Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you???re gonna to get.??? That???s basically how I live: one day my life may be totally awesome and the next moment you wish you were dead. Actually, it feels like I prefer being dead or in heaven with ones I love and who are unfortunately no longer with me. I do believe it when people say ???They???re not alive anymore???Simone because they went to a better place.??? Even though I wish that better place was with me, I respect what others tell me and believe them. But then again I wish that people would just stop saying ???There in a better place.??? Because not everyone dies because they need to be in a better place, in fact I believe that some should die to be near that someone they love.
Life can be filled with love, but only if you want it to be that way. The one thing I loved most was a very glorious thing, but sadly glorious things don???t tend to last. I really hate when that happens. But you know what I hate even more, when the person who has broken your heart won???t admit to what they have done wrong and refuse to say that they???re sorry. All I ever get out of love is being laughed at so I have decided that I will love no more, I don???t know why people loved me in the first place I???m too ugly to be loved. I???m too boring to be friends with anyone.
I???m not good at anything, I???m a mistake. I know what I am a Baster.
Yes I know what it means, it means a child, girl or boy, who was born before they parents were married. My mum and dad never got married; instead they just loved each other but not enough for me to be happy. They assume I???m happy but they???re wrong: I cry myself to sleep every night, while listening to my favorite song until I fall asleep. I go to school and try my best, but never get to hang out with friends. I rarely ask for them to get me anything because I feel like I???m a bother to them so whenever they have new clothes or get a new video I just pretend I know what it???s like to have stuff like that. People always wonder why It makes me unhappy that my parents where never married, tons of kids parents aren???t married or never were and they are happy but why me? Well it???s hard to explain but I???ll try. I feel this way because it???s just never seemed right to grow up with out my dad being there. My dad was never at any of the talent shows, he wasn???t there to kiss me goodnight, he wasn???t there to see when I got hour role. He wasn???t there for any of that I always had to come to him he never came to me and he still never comes and sees me. That???s what makes me unhappy. I feel like no one is there for me. Even though I live with my mother she never comes to anything like my father. That???s why I feel if we where a family they would come to my plays, concerts, talent shows, be there to kiss me goodnight everything all my friends have that I can???t have. And how did this all happen? Well here???s what I remember. I was 2 it's funny though I remember the day my mum left my dad I was 4 days before my birthday and my mum told me that me and her where going on a trip to go see my Uncle and Aunt. And I asked if daddy was coming but she told me he had to stay behind but next summer I would go on an airplane and visit him all summer long and we would get to have lots of fun. That sounded nice to me but then I thought what about you mommy? And she told me she couldn???t come with me in the summer just like daddy couldn???t come with us when we went to my uncles and aunt. I found out the truth when I got older but it really hurt me when I had to leave my dad and it hurt me even more that he broke his promise. He told me even though I wouldn't be with him all the time he was just a phone call away and if I ever needed anything just tell him.
I know I should be very grateful for the few who support me I am but sometimes I wonder, why me? Why did I have to be the one who got hurt in the relationship? Why did I have to be the new girl and everyone hated me? Why does no one love me? Does anyone care anymore? I think not and I don???t care either I just try to live my life like ???normal??? people do. Go to school, try to have friends, and have a facebook, myspace, or whatever.
So here I am writing on my computer like a loser, feeling sorry for myself, when other people don???t even know there real father. Man, I???m such a fail that I should be sent to jail for this or perhaps I need to go die in a hole. Or perhaps not because I need to help Sarah. Gosh only thinking about her makes me want to cry.
I have always been jealous of Sarah, not because she???s like my only friend in school. She???s what you would call ???the perfect girl.??? Sarah gets all A???s, takes advance class???s, gets the lead role in school plays, is one of the best clarinet players in the school, is an awesome piano player, has lots of friends, all the boys love her, what more could be said? What could be wrong with such a perfect person? Well all Sarah has ever wanted is to know who her real father is. I could have imagined something so horrid could happen to Sarah. She hates that her mum won???t tell her, that???s what she told me and the stepfather wouldn???t know about him either. So now I feel it is my job to help her find out whom he is.
That is the one thing I have to do before I die or leave my home, I think its god???s wish upon me. I always wondered what I was placed on this earth for but now I know and now I must succeed in my duty. Because if I don???t what would that make me?
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