Ways to annoy your parents

1. Follow them everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.

3. Pretend to have amnesia.

4. Say everything backwards.

5. Give yourself a swirly.

6. Run around with a lampshade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!

7. Run into walls.

8. Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear. Or
naked for that matter.

9. Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.

10. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.

11. Pretend to worship the devil.

12. Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good
morning Sunshine!"

13. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.

14. Run in circles.

15. Recite a whole movie 3 times.

16. Pretend to beat yourself up.

17. Pluck out someone's hair and yell, "DNA!!!"

18. Slither everywhere.

19. Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard!!!"

20. Wear you pants on your head and your shirt onyour waist...tell them you're making a fashion statement.

21. Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way.

22. Super glue your finger up your nose.

23. Talk to a pen.

24. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.

25. Lay face down and chant like an Indian tribe.

26. Try to climb up a wall.

27. Spread out on the window and buzz, pretending you're a fly.

28. Take your ice cream cone and put it on your head...say you're a lovely unicorn.

29. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!!" (this is gross though...ewww!

30. Make weird animal noises at night, and when they come to see what's wrong, pretend like
you're asleep.

31. Do what they tell you to do.

32. Switch the light button on and off for a while. Then say, "Ooooh...I get it!!!"

33. Eat your hair.

34. Tell them whatever they're eating looks like a certain animal.

35. Eat anything obviously not edible. (try not to poison yourself.)

36. Jump off the roof, trying to fly. (try not to kill yourself.)

37. Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house.

38. Hold their hand and whisper to them, "I see dead people...)

39. When you shower or bathe yell, "I'm drowning!!!"

40. Try to snorkel in your fish tank. (or even better, in a fish tank at a fancy retaurant.)

41. Ask them quietly, "Pardon me, but do you have any..." then yell, "SHOELACES!!!"

42. Chase an imaginary tail.

43. Demand your own area code.

44. After everything they say yell, "LIAR!!!"

45. Pretend to be 326 years old.

46. Hang upside-down in your closet.

47. Pretend to be a phone.

48. Try to swim on the floor.

49. Tap on their door all night.

50. Pretend to have multiple personalities.

Horrible parents.

My name is Emily.
I may only be two.
But I have a story
Esepecially for you to read.

My eyes all swollen and puffy.
I cannot see one single bit.
I must be stupid.
I must be bad.
What else would have made my parents
So mad?
I wish I was better than I am.
I wish I weren't as ugly.
Then maybe mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak even the tiniest little bit.
I can't even make a little mistake.
For if I do,
I will be locked up
All day long.
No food or drinks.
Nothing at all.
Except my one and only friend.
A little brown bear I call Tommy.
When I shall wake
No one will be home.
The house is pitch black
And not the slightest little peep
Could be heard.
My parents are not home.
When mommy does come.
I will be nice.
I won't whine.
So maybe,just maybe
I will get just one whipping tonight.
Shh!
Don't make a sound!
My daddy is home
From Richard's bar.
He curses at me
Through his drunk voice.
My name is what I hear.
I press my self
Against the livingroom wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes.
I get so afraid when he is home.
For one reason only.
I am afraid he will beat me.
I'm starting to cry.
He spotted me weeping
In the corner I am in.
He shouts the ugliest words.
He says it is all my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slapped me and hit me
And yelled at me more.
When I finally got free
I ran to the door.
He has already locked it
And as I started to bawl
My tiny little eyes out
He picked me up
And threw me against the hard wall.
I fell to the floor.
With my bones nearly broken,
My daddy continues
With mores bad words spoken.
I screamed I was sorry.
That did no good.
It was much to late.
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
I don't know what I did to derserve this.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again.
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end.
He finally stopped.
I wondered what happened
That made hime hate me.
He turned around
And headed for the door,
While I lay motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Emily.
I am just two
And tonight my daddy
Murdered me.
Don't know why.
Now it is over.
No more pain.
No more suffering.