Mischief-Making for Dummies: Pts. VI and VII

VI- The Marauder???s Map

Aha! The coup de grace! (If you don???t speak French, that means it???s pretty damn important.) The Marauders??? finest legacy, aside from the semi-eternal stench that follows Snivellus around. Priceless, especially since everyone thinks he???s just naturally repulsive, not that I???m disagreeing with that, or anything.

But anyway, this is the tool to much of our wrongdoing, and it would definitely come in handy for a newbie to the business.

Before we leave, one of us will plant this map in the ???Confiscated and Highly Dangerous??? drawer in the caretaker???s office. It will look like a nondescript bit of parchment, which is why it will be perfectly safe. If you should, for some reason, find yourself in this office, it???s advisable to let off a few Dungbombs for a distraction, and grab the map out of this very intriguing drawer.

Once you have the map in your possession, simply tap it with your wand and say ???I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.??? (Ingenious, huh? And most likely true, anyway.) It will yield, in my professional and most humble opinion, the most wicked awesome map of Hogwarts ever made.

It shows all the secret passageways that I have mentioned in the previous section, but that???s not all. (How much genius can one person have, you ask? Well, I feel obligated to give Prongs about one third of the credit, and Moony and Wormtail can split a fifth. But other than that, all mine.) Every person in Hogwarts???and Peeves, too???shows up where they are, at any given moment! Now is that not brilliant? (Chorus of adoring fans: Yes! Yes! We love you, Sirius! Music to my ears.)

Historical Note???This also came in handy for the whole stalking Evans thing.

And once you???re done with whatever it is you???re doing, tap it with your wand and say ???Mischief managed!??? It???ll go blank again.

VII- A Word from the Marauders

I figure that, since I said in the introduction that this book is Marauder-approved, I should probably get them to approve it. And they have most generously obliged.

Mr. Prongs wholeheartedly approves this handbook, and would like to add that he didn???t know Mr. Padfoot had a literate side. Also, he only accepted being Head Boy because Evans is Head Girl, and Mr. Padfoot knows that perfectly well. And I did NOT stalk her!

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Prongs, and believes that this handbook is a work of pure genius.

Mr. Padfoot (obviously, since he wrote the damn thing) approves this handbook, but disagrees with Mr. Wormtail because this handbook is so far beyond genius that there isn???t even a word to describe its sheer awesomeness. Mr. Prongs, with all due respect (i.e.???none), you lie like a dog. I would know, after all.

Mr. Moony grudgingly approves this handbook, and wonders why we???re referring to ourselves in third person.

Because it???s more dignified, dumbass.

I never thought I???d live to see the day when Wormtail calls Moony a dumbass.
Finally, someone had to! Woot! Go Wormtail!

Let???s keep this mature, gentlemen???.

Oh, shut up, Moony, you dumbass. (That is SO FUN!
Don???t we need to end this somehow?

THE END.

That is so juvenile, Wormtail.

Your mum is juvenile!

Your face is juvenile!

Mr. Prongs wishes there was a way for him to express his laughter on parchment (but he???s laughing his Nothing at all off).

Mr. Moony thinks Messrs. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail have forgotten the hypothetical first year, who, hypothetically, could be reading this in years to come.

Fine.

Fine!

FINE!

Be that way, Moony.

I will, thanks.

THE END.